Never Underestimate the Extraordinary in the Ordinary
By James D. and Linda S. Henry

Editor's note: Linda and Jim Henry are authors of four holistic, healthcare-related books, the latest of which, Transformational Eldercare from the Inside Out, Strengths-Based Strategies for Caring was published by nursesbooks.org. National speakers and experienced workshop facilitators, in recent years they have presented to more than 30 nationwide healthcare and eldercare organizations. One of the workshops offered by the Henrys focuses on the theme of this issue of Itineraries:, Igniting Passionate Purpose in the Second Journey. The Henrys live in Seattle.

Visit their Web site at PositiveStrategiesUnlimited.com or contact them at (253) 864-7309 or jlhenry [at] aol [dot] com.

“Getting old is like climbing a mountain;
you get a little out-of-breath, but the view is much better.”
Ingrid Bergman

Astonishing us with her amazing voice, many people worldwide have heard of Susan Boyle, the 47-year-old unemployed church worker from Scotland's West Lothian district whose voice and story captured the hearts of millions. Described as a very quiet, unassuming, plain, down-to-earth woman, she was greeted with snickers as she walked onto the stage to audition for Britain’s Got Talent show. The audience laughed at her drab and common appearance. However, as she began to sing, the crowd stood in amazement and cheered her remarkable voice.

Michelle Bowman, Longmont, Colorado PrestigePLUS wellness program manager, shares the extraordinary story of her visit to the home of a dear 92-year-old-friend where she happened to observe a number of cruise ship brochures laying on the table. Her friend, Irene, abruptly informed Michele that the two of them were going on a cruise together. She said, "Maybe if I take you on a cruise to find you a new husband, I can leave this planet. You know I’m ready to pass on. Besides, I booked and paid for us to go on an arthritis association cruise." Amazing as it sounded at the time, the two friends subsequently went on the cruise. When the ship docked at St. Croix, they were met by Jon Bowman. Irene said emphatically, "That’s him! I told you we would find you a new husband." Michele and Jon were married four months later.

These two different stories underscore James Hillman’s premise in his book, The Soul’s Code, that all humans have an exceptional component to their lives, whether recognized or not. And, when we explore people’s stories intentionally and extensively, we soon uncover the extraordinary in the ordinary.

Jim has listened to hundreds of stories in his more than 35 years in career development, and he has never met a dull person. Career guidance professionals seeking to uncover people’s satisfying talents often face resistance from people who claim their lives have no significance. Many people resist sharing their stories because they fear that it sounds like aggrandizement. However, those with healthy self-esteem and a sense of God-given personal value enjoy the process of uncovering strengths and aptitudes.

"Seasoned humans," as we like to call them, over age 65 are especially blessed with passionate talents, many years of experience, and related stories. The metaphor of a filing cabinet comes to mind. Like the operating system of a computer, the bottom drawer of the cabinet comes filled with a working structure containing information handed down through the ages: genes, instincts, ancestral heritage, instructions on how to relate to parents, and other facets of the environment. For example, studies indicate that, even before birth, babies can process sound and respond to rhythm.

After birth and moving through the developmental stages of youth and adulthood, our imaginary filing cabinet begins to fill with input from parents, culture in general, education, and overall life experiences. The final stage of elderhood is represented by the top drawer.

One method of more clearly identifying your extraordinary history is to look through your various imaginary files and identify peak, positive experiences. These were times when you felt enthusiastically engaged in a task or project, when time seemed to fly because you enjoying yourself. You experienced a joyful concentration that energized you. If you are drawn to this approach, attempt to identify five or more such experiences during different periods of your life. Next, look for patterns of talents and skills common to most of the joyful experiences. Share stories about them with other people. You will soon discover how this will enliven you and provide a sense of pride-filled heritage. You may even uncover a sense of life purpose.

After about age 65, imagine the top drawer of the cabinet beginning to fill with experiences unique to this later stage of life. As they adapt, seasoned humans begin to embody insights and talents seldom found in younger people. Elders are not just older adults. Carl Jung, well-known explorer of the psyche, spoke about individuation in later life, broadening self-understanding of "Who am I?" Psychologist Erik Erikson studied developmental stages; the final stage of mature elderhood he called ego integrity, a tendency toward the acceptance of self and others, life completion, and a return to life satisfaction. Swedish gerontologist Lars Tornstam speaks of gerotranscendence, elders rising above the cultural demands of adulthood and moving towards maturation, wisdom, and spiritual growth.

Based upon the research of Jung, Erikson, Tornstam, and others, listed below are some developmental characteristics often exhibited by seasoned humans. Check each statement if you believe it at least somewhat describes you, or someone you know age 65+.

• It is easier to embrace the mysteries of life. I welcome with awe the many wonders of the universe.

• I see more clearly the many sides of myself, both positive and negative.

• I see myself as part of the whole of humanity and am less self-absorbed.

• The pieces of life’s puzzle seem to be falling in place, and I feel more content with myself.

• I embrace a faith system that provides a coherent pattern to my life.

• Desiring to simplify my life, I believe that owning too many things becomes a burden.

• I am much less interested in assuming roles in life. I tend to present my authentic self.

• My perception of time seems to be changing. I can look back on past events with new and experienced eyes.

• The quality rather than quantity of relationships is more important to me.

• I enjoy "positive solitude."

• While acknowledging mistakes and having regrets for things left undone, I sense that my life has purpose and, at least in small ways, I am making a difference during my life.

• Fear of death seems to recede; I see it as a natural part of the life process.

Unfortunately, in a culture that tends to deny the value of growing old, many of these elder qualities vital to the health of society go unrealized and appreciated. It’s as though younger generations simply dump the contents of the top drawer. Thankfully, as the age wave of baby-boomers floods the coming years, the worth of elders will undoubtedly re-emerge.

Extraordinary in the ordinary does not just refer to the 88-year-old person who climbs Mt. Rainier or the 105-year-old pediatrician who finally retires because her eyesight begins to fail her. They are people like social worker Marty Richard’s dementia client who has the ability to "pick up nonverbal signs of stress in my life." All elders have an extraordinary depth of history. Adult family home provider Lisa Jackson affirms, "My women have so many interesting stories to share." Retirement home activities director Maria Giampaolo reports about elders making "lessons of a life time" quilts designed to preserve a person’s legacy. Like many seasoned humans, they have become "big picture" people skilled at making connections and synthesizing information.

Never underestimate the extraordinary circumstances and events of your life that can also lead to extraordinary actions. Nobel Peace prize co-winner Jody Williams reminds us, "For me, the difference between an 'ordinary' and an 'extraordinary' person is not the title that person might have, but what they do to make the world a better place for us all."